~Highly Obscure Minimal Shitty File Manager (HOMSFM) 0.0001 Alpha~
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ObscureOS - A different, abstract, minimal, important non-existant distro of linux for self-aggrandising elitists looking for a dynamic hardon-purpose timesink and a secret club
Finally, a distro that skips the code and gets straight to the circlejerk!
ObscureOS is a different distro of linux. It's a very special distro for very special tasks, which I won't get into right now because you probably just wouldn't understand. While other "useful" distros have real-world applications, ObscureOS is built from the ground up for a very different and special and superior type of user, who is different because he is superior and superior because he is different. I know I haven't really explained what it is or what it's about, even though I titled this is the "What is ObscureOS" intro, but you see, it just simply cannot be defined like that. ObscureOS cannot be defined by code. It cannot be defined by anything on a disk. In fact, there is no code. ObscureOS is the world's first linux distro that does not exist, in any format. We are above things like physical media.
Break Functionality, Replace with Philosophy
While other distros do irrelevant, tiny things like "work", we have replaced the lack of functionality with shitty, smelly philosophy. This is basically how we waste away yet still justify it. Now you, yes -you- can turn a general purpose free operating system into your own personal smelly religion. Life is simply not enough of a challenge for you. While others waste away at careers, you sit at home and realize the truth: you're simply above all that plebian shit. Life is but a game; The fact that you have no job, experience, degrees, or friends is simply more proof that you are above it all. Try to remember that when your parents, friends, or teachers are screaming otherwise. Now imagine all of that... put into a linux distro.
Extensible, customizable, dynamic Timesink
ObscureOS is built to be a timesink from the ground up. That means you can forget about your problems that were caused by the timesink in the first place! Getting angry because you're not going to do anything in your life? Go recompile that package, you'll forget about it soon. Sad that you're completely alone in the world? Once you compile enough, you can pretend that your computer is a person, you can even give it a girl's name! ObscureOS is a timesink that can be stretched out to any size to fit any amount of time. It's also a dynamic timesink because you can choose to waste more time on certain days than others. Your mom just told you to do your chores? No problem, you can have it slightly easier that day. The next day, you can go straight back to your OS taking up all your time again, so it's a seamless transition. And the best part is? You never accomplish anything! While others might have programmed something that thousands use every day, or spread free software to the masses, you sat at home patting your own back and eating your own shit. Aren't you the real winner? Deep down, you know that you're better than everyone else.
ObscureOS is a minimal distro. I say son, it's a minimal, miniminiiiininmininminm inminininin inininimnal distro. What classifies this? How is a minimal distro different from a bloated one? There is no real way to determine that, so we saved you that time by just saying it is. You're not the user of some bloated shoddy crap, you're some kind of magical hipster god who carries just enough to get the job done. Like you are above life, you knew what you needed today because you can see the future because you are god. You don't need all those extra tools because you know you don't do any real work. I just made that up. The minimal aspect is also a silent statement on the kind of work you'll be doing with ObscureOS. You won't do any - so therefore the system is built to handle that amount of work. It's missing basic things, but that's okay because you're a fucking loser.
Unlike other popular distros, ObscureOS is rolling release. This means that we cart out the shitty, buggy software the very day it's released, and it gives you an additional challenge with software that has bugs that are not documented yet! The key here is version numbers. You can extrapolate that your version is better because it's higher. STILL STUCK ON 18.104.22.168.2, FAGGOTS? I'M _ALREADY_ ON 22.214.171.124.3. IT'S SUPERIOR IN WAYS THAT NOT EVEN _I_ CAN UNDERSTAND. Just like the minimality, rolling release is also a statement on what you'll be doing. Because everything breaks every moment of every day, you won't be doing any real work. Instead, you will be running yourself ragged patching tasks that have been automated since 1994. Only here at ObscureOS did we dare to turn those features off to give you more work. Lol, we're so intelligent.
Defininition of the group, "We"
I say "we" because we are a smelly group. Not just smelly individuals, but rather a smelly group, so we can pretend to be legitimate and have a purpose. Now, there's nothing more directly pandering to loserdom than to create your own shitty fork, no? To have another group of pretending losers fucking software to allow escape from life itself. The world turns, businesses live and die, money is made and lost, time flows, but we remain here, in our little hole. We are different from everyone else, even if it means a form of indirect suicide. Who are "we"? Well, I kinda can't tell you. You may know us as hackers. Pros. Philosophers. Artists. I don't really have any proof to back this up, we kinda just suck each other's dick all day, that counts right? We took a working set of tools and programs that someone else already made. We stand on that work that everyone else made, but more or less shit and piss all over it all day. It's just a logo, shitty mentality, and the systematic destruction of the system which was the only thing we cared about in the first place.
As if we haven't already established that this is 0% code and 100% shitty mentality, let's cement it by a manifesto full of self-hating, psuedo intellectual neckbeard pretend shit. Bottom-of-the-boot shit like Ubuntu or Debian doesn't have a manifesto or a "way" because those are tools meant for general use. ObscureOS doesn't "do" work, and this manifesto, laws, "way" reflect that:
- Ye shall have no other distros besides me.
- Ye must reinvent the already free wheel to pretend to be better than everyone else.
- If someone new asks about linux, tell them it's shit so we can still use it as our secret club.
- If ye can't get it to work, claim it's bloated, you didn't need it anyway, or you're hardc0re enough to live without it.
- If ye need to get it to work but can't, start a license flamewar.
- Make friends with Windows and Mac users so you can constantly pretend to be better than them for using linux.
- Actively hate on other linux users because they detract from your attention.
- You must attack other users of ObscureOS constantly; they threaten its obscurity. Yes, even me. Yes, even yourself.
- Did I mention you're a faggot for using ObscureOS? Please go back to ubuntu, we don't want your kind here. Don't mind me, just cutting myself because I use ObscureOS.
As you can see, having a manifesto makes us super cool and important, because we have a manifesto which must mean we're super cool and important.
Fuck off, scrub
lol, I'm so edgy and intelligentd
FFUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM POOOOOOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSS.......... AAAAAAAACTIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH GOD. OH GOD I AM FLYING ABOVE THE CITY FULL OF CASUAL NOOBUNTU AND SLACKWARE USERS. OH GOD I AM FLYING BECAUSE I USE AN OBSCURE DISTRO OF LINUX. OH GOD I KNEW I WAS BETTER THAN EVERYONE. LOOK AT ALL THE LUSERS DOWN THERE, JUST LITTLE ANTS DOING IRRELEVENT "WORK" AND "LIFE" SHIT MEANWHILE I AM UP HERE, ALONE, BECAUSE I AM TRULY SUPERIOR. I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY. WELL NOW I WILL SPEND MY LIFE UP HERE BEING BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE I AM BECAUSE OF MY SHITTY LINUX DISTRO CHOICE YES I DID JUST SAY THAT I AM SUPERIOR TO YOU IN EVERY WAY WHICH IS WHY I AM UP HERE AND YOU'RE NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE A CASUAL WITH LIFE-WEIGHT SHIT SUCH AS A JOB FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP